Understanding Financial Infidelity in Marriage: A Comprehensive Guide

A lack of communication and financial difficulties are common sources of issues in marriages and relationships in general. When those factors come together to produce “financial infidelity,” the relationship may suffer irreversibly.

Financial infidelity typically entails one partner in a relationship hiding, withholding, borrowing, or spending money without disclosing it to the other. For instance, one spouse might have a bank account or credit card that is solely in their name and is kept secret from the other spouse. When one spouse takes out a loan without the other spouse’s knowledge or conceals the receipt of an inheritance, it can lead to financial infidelity.

A personal hobby that requires excessive spending can result in financial infidelity. Likewise, marital problems may arise from one partner covertly supporting a child from a previous marriage or from simply putting money away in a personal account without informing the other partner.

A spouse may feel compelled to hide financial activities from one another for a variety of reasons. Compulsive spending on gambling, alcohol, drugs, or general shopping can make a person feel ashamed. Financial infidelity is also probably involved when a spouse is having an affair in order to pay for ancillary costs. Secrecy may simply be chosen to avoid an unwanted argument.

Infidelity with regard to finances is not unusual among American couples; it happens to people of all ages. According to a recent study, 22.7 percent of the participants kept a financial secret from their partner. More than 27.5 percent of the couples who disclosed financial infidelity claimed it had a negative impact on their relationships. 10% stated that the financial transgressions led to divorce. Men and women are equally likely to conceal financial information from a partner, according to study findings published in the Journal of Financial Therapy in 2018.

When a person finds themselves unexpectedly unable to pay household bills, like the monthly mortgage, financial infidelity is often exposed. Family stability can be jeopardized. Spouses will consider financial secrecy to be a serious breach of trust when they find out. To make matters worse, since debts incurred during a marriage are often regarded as communal obligations, the unaware spouse may ultimately be held accountable for repaying a debt accumulated by the financially dishonest spouse.

There are numerous signs that can suggest financial infidelity. A spouse may acquire expensive equipment to support a hobby, a new phone, or an abundance of new clothes all of a sudden. If a spouse abruptly stops exchanging bills and bank statements, has them sent to a post office box instead of the home address, or restricts communication with the family financial advisor, there may be reason for concern.

Red flags include finding that your spouse has opened a new account, changed the password on a joint financial account, or removed you from an account without telling you.

Additional telltale signs include a partner getting fixated on getting the mail first, bank account balances that appear unexpectedly low, or excessively emotional responses from a partner when you bring up money matters. Informally discussing personal financial matters with others, your spouse’s dishonesty could indicate that you are also being deceived.

While none of these behaviors by themselves may be cause for alarm, if multiple of them start happening at the same time, some research may be necessary.

After covert financial misconduct has been uncovered, actions can be taken to restore confidence or stop financial infidelity from happening in the first place.

Providing and expecting complete disclosure on financial matters from the outset is the most efficient method of preventing financial infidelity. On a first date, you don’t have to show financial spreadsheets, but after deciding to commit to a long-term relationship, partners or prospective spouses should reveal all of their current assets and liabilities.

This is especially crucial for cohabiting couples if one of them is primarily in charge of handling household finances. Couples should schedule time to talk about their short- and long-term goals as well as to review their monthly income and expenses. You might discover that your partner has different ideas for the future of your relationship and that some changes are necessary to put you both on the same page.

Create a household budget and stick to it. Spouses must have realistic expectations of what is affordable. This should involve putting money aside for unforeseen expenses or shared objectives like creating a fund for college, retirement, or travel.

Consider having both joint and separate bank accounts. The ultimate way to demonstrate trust is to have a single joint bank account where all of the spouses’ income is deposited. All bills and expenses are then paid from that account.

Alternatively, a married couple may open a joint account but maintain individual personal accounts. Following confirmation that both parties’ monthly needs and obligations can be met from the joint account, a predetermined sum may be moved to each spouse’s separate account for use as each sees fit in terms of discretionary spending. These distinct funds may be used for gifts, clothing, hobbies, eating out with friends, or impulsive purchases.

Finding out about financial infidelity is not a sign that your marriage is doomed, but it does indicate that it needs some work. Apart from the possible financial challenges, trust has been betrayed and needs to be restored.

Without leveling charges or becoming irate, voice your concerns if you believe your spouse has been financially dishonest. Accusations at the outset of a conversation will not promote the kind of dialogue that is necessary to address or resolve the issue.

Request bills, bank records, and investment statements from your partner if you haven’t seen any recent financial documentation. Acquire and examine your spouse’s and your own credit reports, keeping an eye out for any strange activity or newly opened accounts. A personal review may ease your concerns. Arrange a meeting with your spouse and any financial advisor you may have to discuss financial matters.

When one partner essentially decides not to be closely involved in reviewing household finances, financial infidelity thrives. In case financial misdeeds are suspected, a worried partner needs to become more involved.

If you can’t work things out as a couple, get counseling. It could be helpful to have a third party to guide, facilitate dialogue, and serve as a sounding board.

In the end, in order to move on, you must forgive your financially unfaithful spouse. Even though you might not be able to change the past, you still have some power over the future. Your attention must be on how to proceed as a team and accomplish shared objectives.

Even though financial adultery can and has caused many marriages to end, partnerships can endure if partners agree to be open and honest with one another. It’s crucial to regularly go over bills and financial statements with your partner and to keep talking about your future objectives. Financial infidelity can be avoided and marriages are strengthened when partners collaborate to achieve shared goals. For a free initial consultation, contact the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 if you have any questions about financial infidelity and divorce.

Without any widely accepted presumptions about what constitutes normal, couples are forced to bargain over what degrees of independence and openness they require. But that makes it sound quite easy. In actuality, the relationship between money and emotion is complex and intense.

Your partner will probably find out eventually whether you lie about how much you spend, how much you earn, how much you owe, or what you spend it on. And it won’t be pretty.

One of the things about this specific kind of deception is that it undermines everything, says Surrey resident Sarah, thirtysomething. If he had an affair for six months, those months would have been somewhat of a sham. Every picture that appears and every memory you have makes you wonder, “Could we really afford that? Was that holiday the reason he was in a really bad mood a month later and mean to me over nothing?” But this feels like the entire relationship. ”.

Director Daniel Coombes of London-based Family Law in Partnership divorce attorneys states: “I have to take some time to educate people about the fact that this is a very common situation and they shouldn’t feel foolish, guilty, or ashamed.” And that pertains to all aspects of finances, not just concealed debt. It is quite common for one partner in a couple to be far more knowledgeable about the marriage books than the other. However, “buildups of debt are a really sad situation” when it comes to divorce. The court can only work with what exists. If someone has spent all the money, then it’s gone. ”.

Ten years ago, the couple paid off their first debt, got married, and began a family. Kirsten later discovered that her spouse had destroyed their social life by taking out an additional £40,000 in loans in addition to borrowing from friends. “It literally is a web. He would look for any excuse to keep me away from the people he knew. His friends continue to hold me responsible for the money he owes them. After their breakup several years prior, he hadn’t made any mortgage payments for several months. She states, “I don’t think the mistrust and anxiety will ever go away.” “You may think you understand what marriage is all about, but I didn’t realize I was still responsible for the entire debt until he told me, ‘I can’t afford to give you my half of the mortgage.'” I am unable to call the lender and complain that my spouse hasn’t received his share for this month. ’ I thought I was going to lose my home. I am still unbelievably embarrassed about the lies I believed. ”.

Infidelity with regard to finances is not unusual among American couples; it happens to people of all ages. According to a recent study, 22.7 percent of the participants kept a financial secret from their partner. More than 27.5 percent of the couples who disclosed financial infidelity claimed it had a negative impact on their relationships. 10% stated that the financial transgressions led to divorce. Men and women are equally likely to conceal financial information from a partner, according to study findings published in the Journal of Financial Therapy in 2018.

Finding out about financial infidelity is not a sign that your marriage is doomed, but it does indicate that it needs some work. Apart from the possible financial challenges, trust has been betrayed and needs to be restored.

Red flags include finding that your spouse has opened a new account, changed the password on a joint financial account, or removed you from an account without telling you.

When one partner essentially decides not to be closely involved in reviewing household finances, financial infidelity thrives. In case financial misdeeds are suspected, a worried partner needs to become more involved.

Create a household budget and stick to it. Spouses must have realistic expectations of what is affordable. This should involve putting money aside for unforeseen expenses or shared objectives like creating a fund for college, retirement, or travel.

Financial Infidelity: How to Handle It in Marriage

FAQ

Is financial infidelity the same as cheating?

Is financial infidelity a reason to divorce?

Can a marriage survive financial infidelity?

Is financial infidelity abuse?

What is financial infidelity?

Financial infidelity happens when you or your spouse intentionally lie about money. When you deliberately choose not to tell the truth about your spending habits (no matter how big or small), that is financial infidelity. You might be thinking, Rachel, isn’t that being a little harsh? Sure, it may start out as an innocent purchase here or there.

What does infidelity mean in a relationship?

When we think about infidelity, we tend to think of the obvious. That’s sex outside of a marriage or a committed relationship, flirtations that went a step too far behind your spouse’s back, and purposely having your boundaries crossed by a partner. What is financial infidelity?

Is financial infidelity a problem in a marriage?

“When one of the partners has exclusive financial responsibility, whether by choice or not, it opens the door for a lot of problems in the marriage,” says Jennifer Hurvitz, a Relationship Coach, and Best-Selling Author of One Happy Divorce . There are several ways to end the opportunity for financial infidelity to rear its ugly head.

What are examples of financial infidelity?

Financial infidelity occurs when couples with combined finances lie to each other about money. For example, one partner may hide significant debts in a separate account while the other partner is unaware. Another common example is when one partner makes large discretionary expenditures without discussing the matter with their partner.